i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
