And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My hand turned me down
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
