On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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