he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dignity is for republicans.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
MIDGETS
????
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
