4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
