So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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