the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
