my vag is so smooth its legendary
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
