im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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