you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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