After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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