Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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