let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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