He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
