You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
