true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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