dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
