Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
