there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
