Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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