That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
