Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
