Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
