No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
