Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
