My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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