why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
