Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How external is "for external use only"?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
