sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
