well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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