Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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