Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
