Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
