I would go down on you faster than GM stock
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
