I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
