Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
