I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
