I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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