no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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