i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
