so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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