To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
