Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
