just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
