the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
