dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
