I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
