Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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