She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
