Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
