There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
