when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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