We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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